Relationships: My Biggest Fear - Being Alone

I have realized that my greatest fear being a gay male is not what anyone will think of my sexuality, but my biggest fear is ending up old and alone. It's a fear that so many of my other friends share (especially those single) with me as well. This fear has given me insight as of recent as to the person I am and the mindset I've had about relationships over the years.

I've been someone that has needed to be in a relationship, apart of a unit in someway to avoid being alone and having to deal with myself. I've used past relationships as a crutch in away to not walk away from a situation (relationship) that may have not been the best for me on the simple purpose of having someone there. Someone to call my own no matter how fucked up the person may have been.

What has taken me twenty-six years to finally accept (I had realized it long ago) is that my impatient nature and my need to be with someone is only going to ensure that I don't meet the one that was made for me, the one that's waiting for me. What I've accepted is the fact that it takes time and a lot of energy to get yourself right so you can be right for the person that is waiting on you.

I like so many people want love and want to be in love, but I want it to be right. I want to be with someone that's going to love me as much as I love them. I've been in those one way street relationships where you're doing so much for the other person and ensuring their well being that you forget self. I've realized that it's a package deal, when you're not looking out for yourself your partner needs to be doing that for you. Ensuring that your needs are met as you ensure theirs are.

So me being alone is a chance for me to work on myself, but not only that to really work on knowing what it is and who it is that I want to be in my life on that level. I want a partner in every since of the word. I want something that rings true as 50/50. I want someone that's as concerned with my feelings, needs, wants, desires, goals and dreams as I am with there.

What I've realized is that it's okay to be alone and wait for it to come. I've also realized (although hard) that I might not get that. I might be alone for a while or forever. But I shouldn't waste my time playing around with something that I know is not going to lead anywhere. I learned that sometimes being alone means accepting your own truth. That being alone means you have to look at yourself each day and say that tomorrow is a new one. Being alone I realized takes faith in knowing that God has a plan for you and even though it may run opposite to what you wanted it will always work out.

So now I enjoy my alone time. My alone time to quietly (or not so quietly) work on myself while the person that I'm made for is hopefully out there working on themselves as well. So when the day comes that God brings us into each other's lives we'll both be ready and then we can look back on our alone time and think fondly that we took that time to get ourselves together...alone!

Relationships: Time

As I get older my decision making skills when it comes to dipping out of a bad situation as far as dating is concerned has become more finely tuned. Also as I get older for me it becomes more apparent what it is that I want from a relationship and in a perspective partner. Gone are the days of the indecisiveness and apprehensiveness. Things for me are much more clear cut and to the point. I don't linger in wonderment for the person that I am talking with to make the next move or decision. I know right away if the relationship is going somewhere or if it's at a stall.

Recent dates have showed me that dudes that I've talked to are very much unsure of what they want or they are under the impression that something better or more fitting for them may come along. All of this is true, but what I don't understand is why people find it okay to waste their time and another persons time if they are pretty sure that it's not going to work. What I've learned is that you can't wait or expect someone to tell you that it's not going to go in the direction that either of you had hoped.

Certain signs for me when talking to someone that it's just died is if something changes in the way they communicate with me. If we go from conversing three or four times a day and then all of a sudden we talk once in a week then it's time for us to see what's up. If their only response is they've been busy with no explanation then I need to get like Ray Charles and "...hit the road."

A lot of people say that I don't give people enough time - but guess what - I've only got so much and I don't know when my clock is going to expire. I always remind people that life is way too short and much too important to waste one moment in a situation that you know is not right or not progressing the way that you know it should or could. Things can only go as far as both people want them and if one person is putting up a stop sign while you're trying to proceed ahead you need to make your way to that person who is holding the same sign as you! Go forward and grab onto life.

Relationships: True Friends

Ever since I was a young child my parents and grandparents have preached to me the value and the importance of true friendships. My father would always tell me that you have to know who are true friends and those that are fairweather friends. My father characterized fairweather friends as those people that always want to be around you when things are going great and there's no bumps in the road. Sort of like when the weather is beautiful, the skies are clear and sunny, but once that storm cloud comes they are nowhere in sight.

I've made 2008 the year of clearing those types of friends and relationships out of my life. You can love people but know that they may not have your best interest at heart. What I've learned is that a lot of people that I considered friends are truly selfish people with their own self-interest at heart. Some are leeches and they use up your energy and kindness to propel them to the next level without adding (depositing) anything to your life that may help you or motivate you to that next level. Those types of people are not the type of people you want in your life and they will do what they can to take from you and milk you of all your positive resources and once they're done

I've made it a point recently to listen intently to what my friends say in regards to my life and how they say it. There have been a couple of friends that have tried to block me from being the best me that I can be by making snide comments or not giving the support that I deem a friend should give. My philosophy has always been if you don't wish the best for your friends than you're not a friend at all. That's why it's important for people to not allow someone to prevent you from being the best you that you can be. There are too many haters out there and a lot of them are wolves in sheep's clothing. Make sure to analyze those friendships and don't be scared to speak your mind if there's someone in your life that you feel is blocking you from reaching that next level, that better level, that higher level. Don't let the haters or nay sayers prevent you from being the best you that you can be. It's easier to walk away from a negative relationship than to try to repair something that can never be fixed.

Luxury: Four Seasons Maui

I haven't done any post since my beautiful get away to Maui after the Grammys last month. My trip to Maui was exactly what the doctor ordered. Maui is a wonderful place to escape and get away from it all and the Four Seasons resort there is one of the most beautiful resorts in the world. When I say that your every need is pampered and attended to I mean it. They go all out there and make sure that your vacation is truly that. From sunup to sundown they cater to you completely. Of course my next go at Hawaii will be to party but I'll allow Honolulu attend to those needs, but for my relaxation and much needed r&r I'll utilize Maui for all it's worth. Here's to getting your Maui on.

A Quickie: David Gregory Gets Down with Mary J. Blige

I came across this fun clip of NBC White House Correspondant David Gregory getting down to a live perfomance by Mary J. Blige of her hit single 'Just Fine.' I always thought that David was light hearted and fun but I had no idea he could bust a move. Check out the video and tell me he doesn't kill it with that spin!

Flashback Video: Keith Sweat

Oooh! I love Keith Sweat and all that whining and begging. His production was off the hook back in the day was some of the best of the New Jack Swing era which he helped to pioneer along with other such as Bobby Brown and Johnny Gill. This is my paternal grandmother's song right here. I remember being a little kid when this first came out and my grandma had just purchased a beautiful brand new luxury car with an unbelievable sound system. At the time this song came out my grandma was in her early 60's and whenever I was in the car with her she'd play this song over and over again. She wore the cassette out so bad that we replaced it three times and finally had to get her the cd.

While visiting her recently, I decided to listen to some music with her since in old age she's become much more of an introverted you have to pull conversations out of her. As soon as I put on this song my grandma's eyes instantly had a sparkle to them and by the end of the song my grandma had a tear come down her cheek. I didn't ask her what's wrong, I allowed her to enjoy her moment. It was one of the most personal moments I've had with my grandma. Thanks Keith.

Quickie: Phyllis Hyman

I love Phyllis Hyman. Phyllis has been one of my favorites since I was a young kid. I heard Phyllis for the first time at one of my aunt's homes and knew that there was something special about her. My aunt took my to see Phyllis live a few weeks before she took her own life after dealing with depression. Phyllis' beauty and voice have always remained. I must say of performers she was the most down to earth I've seen and have missed her since she departed in 1995.

Diary of a Tired Black Man - Tim Alexander

Just got done watching Diary of a Tired Black Man! Liked the movie. It's very independent to say the least, but there are a lot of great topics discussed in it. This dialogue that needed to be discussed between African American men and women for quite some time. With the image and role of the black man becoming more and more marginalized it's wondrous to see someone go out to the streets and get the truth. All Black men don't abuse women, leave their children, cheat, or sabotage Black women's progress in getting to the next level.

Without going to much into the movie and what it's about I've included this YouTube.com clip which is a sample of what to expect from the whole movie. Basically it's the story of a married Black couple and the struggles that they go through especially the husband in trying to make his relationship work with his wife who is labeled as an "...angry black woman!"



There are many African American men that not only make taking care of their family and children a priority (like my father), but who also have an active involvement not only in their children's lives, but in the lives of their spouses as well. Growing up I had the benefit of seeing personally Black couples who were in the words of Spike Lee ..."do[ing] the right thing." The Black man's image has been broken down, drug through the mud and back again. It is a whole communities responsibility to shine the light on all the positive Black sons, fathers, nephews, uncles, boyfriends/husbands, and brothers that are out there again doing the right thing. So next time you see one of your African American friends, brothers, fathers, sons et cetera out there doing what they're supposed to. Just tell them keep up the good work.

You Should Vote.....or Die!

If you're of sound mind and body, over 18 and an American citizen there is no reason why you should not participate in someway in our country's political process. Sean John (as he's known today) had it right with his Vote or Die campaign. Everyone really needs to get out there and ensure your voice is heard. All it takes is one vote. I don't believe in telling people who to vote for make your own choice, but let it be yours. Don't ride the coattails of someone else. Develop your own opinions, know that it's okay to do your own research and realize that you cannot have someone else report to you the facts. Sometimes you have to stop being lazy and get out there and find the information of your own. In the end it's definitely worth it.

Get Your Spiritual On: Dr. Frederick K. C. Price

Whether you're a Bedside Baptist or a Couch Potato Catholic if you're getting your word, get your word! I love to watch my Dr. Frederick K. C. Price of Ever Increasing Faith Ministries. Dr. Price is one of the best ministers I've scene and his preaching style I equate more to a teacher then a preacher. He breaks down the Bible wondrously and makes it so that you understand every single bit. He resides over Crenshaw Christian Center in Los Angeles and a second church in Manhattan's Upper Westside commonly referred to as CCC East. He's been preaching since before 1969 and has limited his preaching to allow his son the time to shine, but he's definitely someone to check out for words of inspiration. As Dr. Price likes to quote from the Bible "...we walk by faith and not by sight!"